Planet Tinkerbelle

Today, I was asked if I was happy. For the first time in a long time, ( since the last relationship,) I could actually say that I am happy.

Finally.

I think my caseworker in this universe finally sent me the right candidate.

Going to sleep with a smile on my face, hope in my heart and love for my friends

In the past month or so, I’ve been working like crazy. #ITLife had me eating like crap, I have eaten more and worse than I ever have before, got no sleep, and worst of all, I have not worked out in over a month.

Result? I’ve lost 7lbs, and my roommate told me I look like I’ve lost weight (he’s a personal trainer, and also, would never lie about how I look), and my BMI is down 3 percentage points things.

However, I’ve gone up 3 dress sizes, and my body fat percentage is up about 2 points, and cute clothes are not fitting me easily anymore.

So, I’ve lost weight, and gotten bigger.

NO WONDER WOMEN BE CRAZY. This shit does not make sense.

So a dude said I was “stern” tonight. He was doing the thing where he was totally interrupting our girl time by hitting on her and said that, “of course you train doctors. You’re stern.”

I’ve never been called stern in my life by people who know me. But maybe I come off that way in public. This is good food for thought. Maybe I really am unapproachable.

working nights will definitely have me doing research on things I probably shouldn’t be looking at. If my case worker in this universe has any compassion, these next two weeks will go by quickly.

Even if it means leading up to my birthday quicker. o_O

Nothing tastes as good as living without Spanx feels.

He Opened With: “I’m Going to Kill You.” I woke up to a stranger in my house saying that to me. Could ‘splain why little things are affecting me right now. I don’t know what they actually called it, but what I call The Home Invasion happened this week last year, and I had a unexpected flashback.

I met a dear friend out at Parasol’s for a drink. As I parked, I realized I had parked in the same spot that we parked in when me and Champ went there the night it happened. After the cops came and dusted the house and interviewed me about it all, I needed a drink and we went to Parasol’s and I tried to decompress. I hadn’t had that wave of feelings since it happened.

So, warning peeps: if something really small happens, and I flip the fuck out, it could very well be because I’ve kept it together since this shit all went down. PTSD and all that.

My life is beginning to become less complicated. I’ve got a routine. I’ve got one real interest that I am truly passionate about. And even though my social life has taken a huge pivot, I have connected with some great people whose friendships I’m very excited to cultivate. While I miss the kind of fun I had been having, I am growing out of it. I am sure I will have the occasional crazy night out, but I just don’t think it will be like it was. Did all that Fun=Happiness? Not entirely. Can I maintain that kind of fun and go forward with my plans to become a certified Zumba instructor? Unfortunately, no. Something has to give, and dammit, it’s going to have to be the crazy all nighters. But that’s ok. Because being an instructor and getting to do what I really dig will be worth it. This is going to be a drastically different year for me. I am fucking ready for it.